An Odd Circus Adventure
by Laughing Procrastinator
Summary: Seven-year-old Tsunayoshi tries to run away from his family and imminent future through death. To his surprise, Tsuna finds himself transported to an alternate world much different from his own, and luckily, still alive. Now, a new life begins as the new troupe member of the infamous, magical, and mysterious Arcobaleno Traveling Circus. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Rated T for obscene profanity, suggestive topics, and violence.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn or any of its characters.**

**This is my first fanfic. Don't hurt me.**

* * *

Tsunayoshi felt himself slowly slip away. He was surely going to die; he had just thrown himself in front of a moving 5,000-ton truck, and he was sure that his seven-year-old body was pretty smashed. He couldn't feel his body. He just looked up at the cloudless blue sky and screamed with the last of his slipping strength.

"I hate this God-forsaken world!"

As his eyes closed to his imminent death, Tsunayoshi heard an ethereal voice whisper in the back of head. It echoed.

_[Then, would it be better if we bring you to a different world?]_

...What?

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

"Blimey, Reborn, would ya just chill for a moment?!" Skull screamed at the seething Italian, who was having a pretty good time shooting at the twelve-year-old with his favorite gun, a handgun he had affectionately named Leon, after his dead lizard. Skull dodged another shot. Thank God he was he had the reflex, or else he'd be dead by now.

"I'll 'chill' when you are stone cold dead, mate," Reborn said with an apparent scowl. He shoved a stack of papers in Skull's arms. "Go. Now."

Skull grumbled, but grudgingly took the stack of papers in his arms. "Damn dictator. Think he'd be commie, the way he's acting."

A shot was aimed near his head. Reborn's onyx eyes shone angrily. "The fuck did you say?"

"I say I'm going now, before Luce gets on yer ass for killing me," Skull replied impertinently before slamming the door shut.

Reborn just sighed, sitting down and twirling Leon on his finger. "Fucking lackey. Can't even do a simple job."

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Skull stood at the side of the street, donned in his clown clothes and make-up, balancing on a painted, rubber ball. Yes, he was a clown, but it was more of a side-job. Besides cracking self-deprecating jokes and acrobatics, the twelve-year-old's main occupation was a stuntman. Specifically, a stuntman known for "being hated by the death reaper himself." Well, it was partially true. He'd actually met the man after a near-death experience, and he had to say, he was a bloody twat, and he was pretty sure the other felt the same. But they were drinking buddies, despite their distaste for the other; that reaper could really hold his liquor.

Skull performed some impressive-looking flips and turns in the air, turning heads on the streets and attracting attention. He grinned. That was the the fucking point of being on the streets in the first place. Landing on the rubber ball, he announced, "To one an' all, the amazing Arcobaleno Traveling Troupe'll be performing fer the next week, with even more amazing tricks an' schemes than the ones you see today!" Skull held up some flyers. "Anyone interested?" he said with a devious smirk.

Oh, people were interested, alright. Skull had to admit, his acrobatics were at least, up to par with those from that Cirque du... Cirque du whatchamacallit? Whatever. It didn't really matter to him, at least. All he knew was that he was fucking awesome. Besides, the Arcobaleno were pretty fucking popular. By word of mouth, most people already knew that they were a top tier group. They weren't just a bunch of poor scabbies from the bad end of town trying to scrape up some cash. They had _skill._

After Skull finished handing out all the flyers, he deflated his rubber ball and started heading back to the camp with a light step. He hummed happily. Reborn should be fuckin' proud, the bloke, because Skull did not screw up this time.

And then he tripped.

"Aw, bitch!" he groaned, holding onto his elbow, which scraped the ground and was slightly bleeding. And then he looked at what he tripped on.

It was a passed-out kid. A pretty beat-up kid. Skull looked at the boy closer and paled. Blimey. It looked like the kid got hit by a fucking truck. And he looked close to dead with all the blood he was leaking. At least he's still alive or else Skull would've seen his old drinking buddy come for a visit. Poor bugger. Probably got beat to death by the neighborhood bullies. Skull tightened his fists. He hated bullies, especially the little twat called Reborn. He had always beaten him up for the littlest shit. Feeling some sort of empathy with the kid, Skull carefully carried the kid at an arm's length away from his clothes. Christ, he felt sorry for him, but he didn't want all that blood to end up on his clown outfit. It was grody, and he needed it for the performance later. Plus, he did _not _want to piss off Luce any more than he already did so far.

~~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~~

"Fuck, Skull, you're late! You were supposed to be here, like, hours ago!" Lal screamed from behind the tent covers. Skull didn't know how she did it, but Lal always knew whenever one of the Arcobaleno members were nearby. Probably because of her military training. It was always because of the military training for her.

"Aw, blimey, Lal, I was only ten fuckin' minutes late! Quit being such a bitch!" Skull went inside the tent, holding the kid.

"Don't make me kick you, ya co-" Lal stared at the kid in his hands. "What the fuck's that?" she asked.

"It's obviously a beat-up kid, you wanker. I was going to ask Reborn to heal the little bugger with his magical sun flame shit." Reborn had this weird-ass skill to heal people with these fucking weird, yellow flames that he dubbed "sun flames."

"Yeah, but what the fuck are you doing with the kid? Did you, you know, like, kidnap him to appease your faggoty wood?"

"Oh fuck, Lal, for the umpteenth time, I'm not a fucking faggot! And I don't have any wood, goddamnit! I haven't even hit puberty yet!" Skull sniffed. Sex and erections were just plain grody for a 12-year-old like him. "Where's Reborn?"

"Uh, back with Luce. They were talking about this month's budget, or something."

~~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~~

"Reborn. For the last time, we do not have the money to buy you seven new guns and a Irodian elephant!" Luce rubbed her forehead, trying to appease her up-coming headache. Ah. Too late. The headache was definitely here now, and there was nothing she could do about it except down a few aspirins and hope for the best.

"Bitch! We are the fucking Arcobalenos! How the hell could we not have enough money!?" Reborn slammed his hands on the plastic table.

"Jesus Christ, Reborn! Language!"

"What about you, Luce? You just used the Lord's name in vain!"

"Reborn, you're atheist. How does this matter you?"

"It-" Reborn was promptly interrupted by a singing Skull barging into the tent. He was a decent singer, to say the least, but that didn't matter to Reborn. All that mattered was the fact that he cut him off. "Fucking Skull." Reborn turned around and was about to punch him in the face when Skull screamed. Reborn paused for a moment slightly surprised. Usually, Skull would at least take it like a man, screaming back his own cusses to piss Reborn off and make him hit him even more.

"Reborn, I'm holding a fucking kid! Don't hit me yet!"

Reborn's eyes traveled down to his arms, where a bloody boy laid, barely breathing. "The fuck, Skull? You did, like, a fucking number on him."

"I wasn't the one who made him all bloody, wanker! I found him like this!" How dare Reborn accuse him?! He wasn't a fucking bully like he was.

"Lay him down here," Luce said immediately, clearing the table. That's Luce for you. She always had a soft spot for unlucky kids. Skull layed him on the table tentatively. Reborn ripped off the kid's shirt to see where he was bleeding. "I'll go bring some wet towels to clean the blood."

Reborn could tell that the kid was bleeding internally. A lot. He growled, rolling up his sleeves and summoning his sun flames, delicately placing his hands on the kid's bruised body. "Come on." The sun flames worked it's magic, slowly healing the kid's beaten insides. The boy's breathing became calmer and less urgent as the sun flames settled into his skin.

"Reborn? Is he going to be alright?" Skull asked, slightly worried.

"He's going to be fine, you fucking lackey. Lucky you brought him to me or else he'd be dead. His injuries weren't something that you could heal at a normal hospital."

"It looked like he was hit by a fucking truck, Reborn."

"Exactly."

"I have the towels!" Luce yelled, holding a bucket with some cloths.

Reborn looked up and pulled his sleeves down. "Just in time, Luce. I just finished. Clean the kid up and give him new clothes."

Luce put the bucket down and pouted. "Don't tell me what to do, Reborn. I'm practically more than twice your age."

"But you sure as hell don't look like it. You look like a hormonal teenager...Yeah, I'm gonna go now." Reborn then looked pointedly at Skull. "Skull, you owe me three fucking espressos in the morning." He yawned, walking off. "I'm going to take a nap. All that healing's got me tired."

Skull screamed after Reborn. "Come on! What kind of thirteen-year-old drinks that much caffeine in one day!" Reborn pretended not to hear as he left, and Skull desperately hoped that the coffee he owes him makes his heart explode from the high concentration of caffeine. Luce laughed. Skull sighed, turning to Luce. "Hey, Luce, do you think maybe the kid can stay here?"

"You seem attached, Skull. You haven't even talked to the kid."

Skull scratched the back of his head. "I dunno, I think the kid just kinda reminds me of myself."

"You mean the pathetic self I picked up in the dirty alleyways, all bruised and crying like a wee little girl?" Luce teased, making Skull blush with embarrassment. "At least this boy's not crying."

"He's passed out, Luce."

"Exactly." Luce hummed, squeezing the towel dry, the bloody water dripping into the bucket. "The kid looks pretty small. We'll need to buy him some clothes from the town, but he'll just have to settle for your old clothes for now."

Skull pouted. "Why my old clothes?"

"Skull, you're the youngest and smallest out of all the Arcobalenos. We don't exactly have a choice. Or would you rather the kid wear some of Aria's old clothes?"

Skull frowned. "You'd seriously let him wear girl clothes? That'd be totally embarrassing, and unhygienic... Fine, he can have my clothes."

"Glad you see it my way."

"We always see it your way."

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Tsuna woke up, bleary-eyed, his body feeling particularly refreshed. How... odd. He was just hit by a truck. But then again, he was probably dead.

But if this was heaven, then by God, heaven was much too overrated. The cot or whatever he was laying on felt horribly uncomfortable and the air was humid to the point that he almost couldn't breathe.

Tsuna immediately sat up, bumped heads with some purple-haired kid, and fell back down to his cot with an apparent thud.

"Oh shit," Skull groaned, holding onto his head. That was the second fucking injury he's gotten from the kid already! Come on!

Tsuna just whimpered as he cradled his own forehead.

Reborn then just happened to walk in at the moment, took one glance to understand the situation, and laughed. "You." Reborn breathed. "Are _such_ a fucking klutz."

Skull glared at Reborn. "Why do you always thinks it's always my fault?! The kid was the one who fucking headbutted me!"

"Because 99% of the time it usually is. Duh."

Skull couldn't find a retort to that, but luckily, the kid spoke for him. "It was actually my fault. I accidentally sat up too quickly without looking at my surroundings beforehand. I apologize deeply." Reborn and Skull looked at Tsuna weirdly. "What?"

"Kid, what language are you speaking?" Reborn asked.

Tsuna cocked his head to the side. "Modern English?"

Skull laughed. Hard. He pointed at Tsuna. "Child, the words that come out of your mouth is definitely not fucking 'modern' English! You sound like a fucking crown prince from Irodia!"

"What's Irodia?"

Reborn gaped at him. Skull screamed in surprise. "You don't know about Irodia?!" Tsuna nodded tentatively. "Irodia's like the place where you get, like, practically fucking everything! It's like the biggest country in the world! Well 2nd biggest, compared to this country, Ardell. But practically everything's stamped with 'Made in Irodia!' Where've you been livin', kid? Under a fucking rock-"

"As amusing as your fucking little tirade is," Reborn interrupted pointedly. "I think the kid's about to cry."

Tsuna really was close to tears. He truly was in a different world! That strange voice he heard after he got hit by a truck really did send him to a different world. Oh God. This was crazy. Insane. But he was slightly relieved. It meant that _they _couldn't come after him anymore. He was safe. He was free.

For the first time in five years, Tsuna cried, his face in his hands as wet tears danced around his fingers and fell on his clothes. Well, Skull's clothes. Skull was slightly freaking out, though, thinking it was really his fault. He rubbed the child's back in a comforting way as if shook from the force of Tsuna's tears.

"Oh, shit, kid, I'm sorry! Don't cry!"

Tsuna wanted to reply that it wasn't his fault, but he was crying to hard to say anything and the only sounds that came out of his mouth was incoherent blubber and hiccups. Reborn whistled. "Dip. Shit."

"Okay, like, I don't need your fucking side comments, you prat."

Tsuna cracked a smile.

~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

After calming down, explaining to the purple-haired boy that the tears he was crying were in fact tears of joy (Skull gave him a look that screamed "Da Fuc?! You masochistic or what?" that made Tsuna fall to the ground and laugh), and very short introductions ("Reborn." "Skull." "Tsuna."), the three headed for Luce's tent once more. The three had chatted (well, more like Skull and Tsuna attempted to have some sort of conversation while Reborn just trolled around) about the randomest shit while strolling under the August sun.

"I think apples are the most terrible shit fruit ever," Skull snapped.

"Are you kidding me?" Tsuna shot back disbelievingly. "Apples have got to be the most amazing fruit in existence!"

"I really don't care as long as I get my damn espressos," Reborn replied as he twirled Leon in his hand.

"I'll get them later, you bloody git! Stop reminding me, already!"

"Yo guys, who's the twerp, kora!?" A blond boy around the same age as reborn, dressed in camouflaged green and a green bandana, came up to the three, a white hawk perched on his his shoulder. "A new lackey?" Tsuna eyed that hawk warily, slightly afraid that it was going to attack him.

Reborn just stared at the Colonello. "Oh. It's the idiot." Reborn turned to Tsuna. "Tsuna, this person is an dipshit, so don't listen to him."

Colonello shoved Reborn to the side. "Fucking prat," he said before turning to Tsuna. "Tsuna, right?" Tsuna nodded, and Colonello extended a hand. "The name's Colonello. Nice to meet ya, mate." Tsuna took his hand and shook it tentatively, but Colonello seemed to notice Tsuna's wary eyes on his feathered friend. "And don't worry 'bout the hawk. Falco's my trusted partner, so he won't hurt ya. That is, unless you're planning to stab me in the back." Tsuna paled, shaking his head. "No? Good. Wanna help feed Falco? I was just feeding him now." Tsuna nodded.

"You seem to like Tsuna, Colonello," Skull pointed out as Colonello touch out a leather pouch filled with bird feed.

"Well, he's a much nicer kid than you screwed-up prats, especially you, Reborn." Colonello moved his head to the side as he dodged a shot from Reborn. "God, Reborn, you claim you're the best hitman here, but you can't even hit me, much less Lal."

Reborn scowled. "You were only able to dodge because of your fucking military training. And I wasn't being serious in shooting your ass, you know."

Colonello rolled his eyes. "Sure you weren't. And everybody always blame the military training." He handed Tsuna the bag. "Here, I'll just put Falco on your shoulder and you just put some feed in the palm of your hand and bring it to his beak. Yup, you got it."

"What'd you expect, douche? You fucking trained with COMSUBIN since you could fucking speak. It's the only reason why you have some sort of skill. But, man, COMSUBIN must've been the lowest of the low to even think of recruiting you."

Colonello looked at Reborn. "You dissin' COMSUBIN, prat?"

"You mad, bro?"

Colonello narrowed his eyes. "Watch my hawk," he ordered Tsuna. Colonello cracked his knuckles. "Come on, Reborn, let's settle that fight from five years ago." And with that the blonde charged at Reborn, who immediately whipped another gun from who-knows-where and started shooting at him. While the two fought, Tsuna turned to Skull.

"Are these people human?"

Skull laughed. "Well, for Reborn, I guess he's had a lot of practice defending himself in the slums when he was a kid. On the other hand, I heard Colonello's army-crazy family pressured him to master SAMBO and karate when he was just five, then forced him into COMSUBIN to master the use of weapons."

"To be exact, Skull, at COMSUBIN, we were taught how to manufacture explosives and firearms, use martial arts, survival skills, stealth techniques in invading enemy territories, how to deliver sarcasm politely, and assassination." A blue-haired lady with burn scars creeping up at the right side of her face walked up to them, dressed in a brown tank top and a pair of shorts.

"'Sup, Lal." Falco flew from Tsuna's shoulders to Lal's, nuzzling her cheek affectionately.

Lal frowned. "Don't act so buddy-buddy with me, Skull. We're not friends." Skull pouted while Lal looked at Tsuna. "You look better than I last saw you, err-"

"Tsuna. It's Tsuna."

"And I'm Lal." The fifteen-year-old then looked at the two fighting and sighed. "Those two. They always fight over the stupidest of things. Oh, well. Follow me, kid. "

Tsuna widened his eyes. "We're not going to stop them?"

"Why should I? It'll be a good workout for the both of them." Lal shrugged. "Now, hurry up your skinny ass before I go COMSUBIN on it! Luce wants to see you."

Skull paled. "You better do as she says, mate."

~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

"Well, you look much more adorable now that you aren't covered in your blood!" Luce fawned over the seven-year-old, the lady being a little too close for his liking. "And Skull's old clothes seem to work well on you!"

"These were your clothes?" Tsuna asked with a frown, pulling the collar of the sweater vest he was wearing. Imagining Skull wearing such preppy clothes despite the goth-punk look he was trying for made Tsuna snort.

"I had terrible taste back then, Tsuna! Don't judge me, you twat." Skull sniffed, crossing his arms.

"Your name's Tsuna?" Luce asked. "Now that is just frickin' adorable! It rhymes with tuna! Come on, kids, don't you just think that Tsuna is really cute?!" Tsuna blushed. He wasn't used to being described as cute, and he wasn't sure whether should he take it as a compliment or an insult.

"Well, you _are _pretty cute, even more cuter than the average girl," Lal pointed out. "Are you sure you even have a dick down there?"

Okay, now that just stung Tsuna's manhood. Tsuna glared at Lal, who laughed.

Luce giggled. "He's a boy, Lal, I checked when I was changing his clothes. Although I have to say, it is pretty small."

Everyone laughed except for Tsuna, who pouted. After their laughter died out, Luce asked delicately, "So, Tsuna, do you have a home to return to?"

Tsuna immediately paled at the thought of his old home. They'd beat him bloody if he ever bothered to return. He shook his head, whispering a shaky, "No," as tears threatened to escape from his eyes. The three Arcobaleno members looked at each other, two words resounding in his heads.

_Child abuse._

Luce took Tsuna by the arm and pulled him into a deep hug. "There, there, Tsuna. It's okay to cry." Tsuna let his tears fall, despite feeling pretty pathetic for crying the second time today. As Tsuna cried and Skull rubbed his back comfortingly, Luce began to sing a soft lullaby. A lullaby that she used to sing to her darling Aria before she left. It was beautiful, both the song and her soft voice.

Soon, the small seven-year-old fell asleep in Luce's arms. She looked up to her fellow Arcobaleno members. "So? Should we let Tsuna stay with us?" she asked with a gentle smile.

Skull grinned. "Definitely!" He liked Tsuna. He was a polite kid, and they seemed to get along well.

Lal smirked, crossing her arms. "I don't particularly care, but I think the kid'll be a good influence on the others. Colonello and Reborn seemed to like him well enough. Fon would probably just go with the flow, and Verde probably wouldn't give a shit. But Mammon'll throw a bitch fit, though, when she finds out that we have another mouth to feed."

Luce smiled at the thought of Mammon. The girl and her odd obsession for money. "That settles the matter, then. Tsuna shall now be one of the Arcobaleno. Let's hope he isn't entirely useless, ne?"

~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Mammon counted the coins her palm as she aimed a deadly-looking gun at the shop clerk, who was shaking like hell. "50, 51, 52...Hmph, you weren't as much of a dipshit as I thought you were." Mammon pocketed her gun and picked up the plastic bag, holding onto the change tightly in her pale hand. "Thank your miniscule I.Q. points that you weren't shot today." Mammon hummed as she left the shop, walking up to Fon, who was staring at the shop displays outside as held the rest of their groceries.

"You're so obsessed with money so bad that it looks unhealthy. I swear, you need to have a better hobby in your life," the Chinese boy said with a stern tone in his voice.

Mammon covered her ears. "Put a sock in it, Fon. I'm not in the mood to hear your fucking lecturing today, you chink."

"Language, Mammon."

"'Language, Mammon'" Mammon mimicked sarcastically with a wave of her hand. "You and Luce always remind us all the fucking time, but Mr. goody-two-shoes, you have to get that no one gives. A. Fuck."

Fon sighed.

~~~~AUGUST~~~~

Returning to the Arcobaleno tents, the two of them found Reborn and Colonello laying on the ground, all scratched up and bruised from, what the two returning Arcobaleno presumed, their usual fights. Mammon kicked Reborn abruptly, who groaned. "Hey, you wannabe mafioso, you better heal yourself and colonel dipshit over here now. We have a performance tonight, and I don't want you to two to screw up, because if you do, we'll get less money and I don't think I'll be able to hold back the urge to shoot your heads off."

Reborn growled. "Bitch."

Mammon shot at Reborn. But luckily, or unluckily (depends on your side of the story), Fon caught the bullet between his fingers. Mammon scowled. "I'd hate your martial arts so bad if hadn't raked a lot of dough for the troupe."

Fon smiled. "Then, you admit that my martial arts are more popular than your illusions?"

"My illusions are the top shit here!"

"Hey, I'd hate to break you newlyweds, but I've got some news." Colonello sat on the ground, cross-legged as he petted his pet hawk affectionately, who had carried a small note from Lal. As expected of her. "It seems that Tsuna's joined the Arcobalenos."

Reborn then jumped back on his feet, dusting off his pants. "I expected as much." He summoned his sun flames and grazed it over his wounds, which quickly healed and disappeared without a trace.

Mammon and Fon looked at each other, then looked at Colonello and Reborn. "Who?"

Colonello sighed, extending his exposed arm to let Reborn heal the wound on it. "Tsuna's this kid that Skull had picked up Apparently-" Colonello squinted his eyes as he read the rest of Lal's note. Curse her curly handwriting. "Tsuna didn't have a place to go back to, and Luce liked him too much, so he's staying with us from now on."

"Can he do anything?"

"We just met the kid, like, fucking yesterday."

Mammon took out her gun from her cloak. "Cheh, I'll check myself to see if he's worthy or not."

Colonello widened his eyes.

"Mammon, what the fuck do you think you're going to do with that gun?"

"Checkin'."

~~~~August~~~~

Luce and the other Arcobaleno members heard screams outside the tent, and they were pretty sure that they were not screams of joy and laughter from their fellow Arcobalenos. Lal popped her head outside to see Fon and Colonello attempt to hold back a gun-toting Mammon. Reborn, on the other hand, just stood there idly, not giving a single shit for the situation at hand.

"The fuck?"

Mammon, then, suddenly tore her arms from the two boys, opened the tent covers, and immediately shot at the boy cradled in Luce's arms. Everyone was surprised, but even more surprised when Tsuna immediately shot awake and immediately swerved to the side, bringing Luce down with him, the bullet rushing past them.

Mammon blew the barrel of her smoky gun. "That'd be A-grade military training, huh, Lal?"

Lal rolled her eyes.

Luce sat up and glared at Mammon. "Mammon, why did you shoot at Tsuna?"

Mammon grinned, holding up her gun and letting it turn back to smoke. Like she'd ever use a real gun to deal with her dirty business. Her brains were more than enough to deal with most bastards here. Plus, guns were expensive. "I was checking to see if Tsuna would be worth anything. I'm not gonna feed a freeloader, and it's not like you two were in any real trouble or anything."

"But the idea of it must've be mortifying for Tsuna-" Luce noticed that Tsuna hadn't moved in a while. She looked down at his face. "Tsuna?!"

Tsuna was bearing a cold sweat, a translucent orange color clouding over his usual brown irises. An orange flame was lit in front of his forehead.

Skull stared at Tsuna's flames. "I am literally mindfucked. Doesn't this just defy physics?"

"Well, not if it's magical flames." Finally, Verde walked in, past the other Arcobaleno members, a hand in one of the pockets of his white coat, the other he used to push his round glasses up the bridge of his nose. Almost everyone looked surprised. It's been months since anyone's ever seen Verde up before eight p.m. (he is presumably a nocturnal creature), and that was just because Skull accidentally caught a tent on fire. "Well, to be specific, they're dying will flames." Verde squatted next to Tsuna and snapped his fingers in front of his face three times.

Tsuna's eyes immediately reverted back to normal. "W-what?" Tsuna's eyes darted around him, uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on him.

"How did you know?" Reborn asked, curious, as he walked up next to him.

Verde shrugged. "Giotto of the Primo troupe used to have a similar condition. The glowing eyes, the orange flame, all that jazz. We had to use the snapping trick until he got better control of his flames." Tsuna looked up at Verde for a moment. Giotto. The name sounded familiar. But Tsuna shook his head, shrugging it off. It couldn't be _that _Giotto.

"Oh yeah, you used to work for Primo troupe before joining the Arcobalenos, huh?" Reborn remarked.

"A distasteful experience overall," Verde said with a deep distaste, pinching the bridge of his nose. "They act so sickeningly righteous." But Verde kept his dark green eyes on Tsuna, who had then stood up and introduced himself to the rest of the Arcobalenos.

If Tsuna could use the orange sky flames, he must be from the same place as Giotto. _That_ place.

Verde smirked. Life for the Arcobalenos were going to become much, more interesting.

**This is to explain parts of the story that I might need to clarify.**

**1) This is an alternate world. It is not my world, or your world, or Tsunayoshi's world for the matter. Therefore, rules in this world will, of course, be somewhat different. There is no such thing as child welfare in this world, or at least in their country, so Skull can drink whatever the fuck he wants, etc.**

**2) Skull has an accent. It's not a British accent. It's the accent of his imaginary country of origins that I've yet to plot out, aha.**

**3) Reborn IS Italian, and therefore, there is an Italy in this world. Even though I've stated that their world is different from our world, there are distinct similarities, too.**

**4) There is obscene cussing because 1), I enjoy writing obscene cussing, and 2) these kids have had a pretty darn fucked-up life before joining the Arcobalenos, and even after they did, they still have to deal with a bunch of wonderful characters. They need to cuss to relieve stress.**

** And that's it.**

** So, guys, should I continue or not? Suggestions are welcome, because I've yet to plot out the entire story, hahaha...Yeah, I'm such a procrastinator.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all of you who followed, favorited, and reviewed. I was like, so happy, when I saw the alerts spam my mail because it means my writing isn't as bad as I thought it would be (I am a terrible judge of the decency of my own writing).  
**

**(WARNING: The long paragraph ahead of you is simply me ranting over my life and a mentioning on future fanfics. No need to read it, unless you're **_**that**_** curious)**

**I apologize for my lateness. But then again, I am a blatant procrastinator, and even though I'm homeschooled, I'm terribly busy with studying for the CHSPE, practicing driving, signing up for community college classes, practicing (for violin, singing, guitar, etc. My music life is fucking piece of shit), piano composition (and failing), taking care of my dog, playing otome games(Hatoful Boyfriend is hilarious), playing normal games (Epic Battle Fantasy 4. Fahk yeah. And Fire Emblem) keeping up with my anime and manga/manwha/webcomics (fucking Magi, Crepuscule, and Tower of God. You make me suffer so), occasionally dabbing in Maplestory, and rough drafting two new fanfics that'd been stuck on my mind for quite a few days. One's for Pokemon (featuring Red, my favorite smexy pokemon character) and another for Reborn (featuring Mukuro). I also have rough, rough sketches of two fanfics featuring Colonello and another one for Giotto.**

**If you don't want to read my shit-long paragraph but still want to know what shit went down there, here's the summary: Basically, I'm going through a lot of shit. Ugh, I'm so screwed.**

**Also, there was a guest that told me this sounds piratey and British. That faintly reminds me of Arthur Kirkland (England) from Hetalia. My writing is Arthur Kirkland. Yessssa.**

**Thanks to Pure Red Crane for helping me out with ideas.**

**Rated T for obscene profanity, violence, and suggestive topics.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.**

**This chapter is around 7000 words. It was supposed to be 5000, but meh.**

**And I need a beta-er. I'm tired of reviewing chapters fifteen times, uploading it, and then end up screaming in anger when I reread it and find another mistake. ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHH! I don't get the beta-reading system...**

~~~~~START~~~~~

Tsuna, after fitting the mental puzzle pieces together in his mind, had quickly figured out that all of the Arcobaleno members were just plain weird. Not in a bad way! Just, very so.

First of all, Luce was thirty-seven.

If Tsuna had been drinking anything at that moment of revelation, he would've sprayed it all over Skull. Fortunately, he didn't. He settled for a good widening of his eyes. Nonetheless, Luce laughed at Tsuna's initial surprise.

"How do you look so young?" Tsuna had asked, flabbergasted at the same time.

Luce shrugged. "Genetics, most likely."

"You're probably going to end up like those Chinese ladies," Mammon pointed out. "Fucking youthful-looking for a good majority of your life, and then BAM! You suddenly wake up one day, looking like a wrinkly piece of shit."

The fourteen-year-old had received a well-placed slap for that one, courtesy of a seething Luce.

Secondly, everyone was inhumanely talented, and insane (Actually, this point would count for two points, but they're interrelated, so meh). Tsuna had quickly learned about these during the Arcobaleno Troupe's night-time performance.

~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

Reborn was actually a much better shooter than Colonello had given credit for earlier. In fact, the thirteen-year-old could probably give an adult sniper an inferiority complex. He had actually managed to shoot out the letters "CHAOS" from a gigantic boulder in a matter of seconds, using a minimal amount of bullets (Mammon had put much stress on minimal).

"It's my favorite word," he said, with a cool smirk directed at Tsuna. Lal rolled her eyes. Showoff.

"Stop trying to seduce younger boys!" Colonello screamed from the audience.

Reborn shot at Colonello. "I'm not a fucking faggot!" he seethed angrily.

Tsuna, though, was confused. What was a faggot?

~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Colonello and Lal, on the other hand, were performing amazing trapeze acts, twisting and flipping in the air as the other would catch them. Despite their useless bickering ("Quit trying to grab my ass!" "But it's, like, right in front of my face! I can't ignore such beauty." "Don't make me crush your balls!" "Bitch."), the two had managed to stay in sync.

"Lal's, like, my future wife, ya know," Colonello had said afterwards with a toothy smile. And then he narrowed his eyes threateningly. "Don't even think of trying to catch a date with her. In all the years I've known her, I've never gotten on one with her, so don't think you can, brat!"

Colonello could be seen rubbing ointment over the bleeding scratches on his cheek in a nearby bathroom.

Lal, on the other hand, was chugging down a can of beer to quench her anger. "Brat thinks he can claim me even though he's fucking two years younger than me," the fifteen-year-old swore before crushing her can with her bare hand and throwing it on the ground.

Mammon immediately picked up the can and dusted off the dirt with her cloak. "Lal, give these to me instead! I can sell them!"

Lal shrieked in frustration. "Oh my God, you are such a desperate motherfucker!"

"The correct term is money-grubbing bitch, Lal! I'm not willing to fuck your mother... unless you pay me, that is. That'd be a fucking tall order, though..."

Lal gagged at the mere thought. Tsuna turned green.

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Fon's martial arts routine was simply insane. Apparently, according to Skull, Fon had learned about 108 different martial art styles while he was training under the Chinese Triad. Why he left, though, was a mystery. Either way, the way he danced on the tightropes (without a net below...), dodging multiple knives (courtesy of Lal and Colonello) and flipping multiple times without missing a step, all while looking pretty awesome at the same time, made Tsuna hold a lot of respect for the 13-year-old. The tea drinking on the trampoline while maintaining a sitting position was a tad too weird for him, though.

"I find oolong tea to be quite refreshing, don't you think so, too, Tsuna?"

"I'm more of Earl Grey fan," Tsuna admitted lightly.

Fon jumped off the trampoline and landed with a light step, the audience clapping as he bowed. He then turned to Tsuna and frowned. "You should know that oolong tea is the best kind of all the other kinds. You must have not drank any good oolong tea before. I _must _brew you some one day, Tsuna."

"Er-"

Fon's usually warm disposition suddenly turned cold. Shit. "I insist."

Tsuna whimpered. "Yes, sir."

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

On the other hand was Mammon, who had made the most beautiful illusions with magic. Fireworks. Birds. Dragons. Stars. She'd had to keep the illusions to a PG-13, though - Luce had made sure she did, or else.

"Do it for the fucking kids, she says," Mammon grumbled as she finished the last of her illusions with a wave of her hand. "If only she hadn't fucking found my private bankbook, then I'd be showing these little kiddies the wonders of M-rated art."

"Mammon." Luce stood there after the performance, with a stony smile as she held a lighter underneath a purple bankbook. "Language, please?"

"Ah fu-, I mean, fu...dge. Okay, now that was just plain stupid... Does stupid count? It does?! Aw, shit-Er, you know what, just fuck you, Luce!"

The end of the bankbook caught on fire.

"Oh, God, no! Luce, put it out! Put it out!" Mammon screamed and begged as if it was her own soul on fire, her hands clutching on the ends of Luce's robe. Dress. Whatever the fuck you want to call it.

Luce's stony smile only widened. "What's the magic word?"

"P-please."

"No." The flames were beginning to encroach on the pages inside the bankbook.

Mammon panicked. "Ah, I mean sorry! I'm so sorry I cursed! I'm sorry, sorry, sorry!" Luce could see the tears budding at the corner of Mammon's violet eyes and smiled.

Luce dropped the bankbook, in which Mammon immediately grabbed and smothered the flames with her cloak. "I won't be such a spoilsport on your profanity anymore -being that it seems more habitual rather than on purpose-, but you _will _follow my instructions next time, ne?"

Mammon look at her one moment, stupendous, and then immediately ran out of the tent, an arm covering her crying face. "I hate you, Luce!"

Luce walked in a sort of floating way, trailing after Mammon. "I was just kidding~! Just kidding~" she said with teasing smile.

Tsuna could tell she wasn't, and he was pretty sure Mammon knew, too.

~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Skull had been up next, doing a couple of ridiculously risky tricks, such as driving through rings of fire or jumping from one trapeze to the next with his motorcycle. Tsuna almost had a heart attack for each move Skull dared, but Skull jumping inside a pool of lava definitely took the cake.

"Oh my gosh, Skull, are you okay!?" Tsuna freaked out, being almost close to hyperventilating.

Skull just lied on the ground as Reborn healed him. "Oh, God, I can see me drinking buddy... Grim, how ya doing, ya old bastard...Fuck..."

Luckily, Reborn had managed to save him ("You owe me, like, five espressos now, mate"). Though, it was still surprising how he'd manage to stay alive despite being in molten lava for a good thirty seconds.

"It's probably because I beat him up so much that his body's built a strong resistance to pain and suffering." Reborn said, rolling his eyes. He turned to Skull. "You hear me, ya fucking lackey!? It's because I kick your ass so much that you're living today!"

Skull groaned. "Oh, just fuck yaself an' bleed like an old codger."

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Next was Verde. The 15-year-old was more of a backstage member, keeping a tabs on the lights, props and contraptions behind stage. However, he did have his own performance, in which he just sat in a chair, flipping through the newest copy of Scientist Weekly, while many animals performed tricks around him. The animals themselves were spectacular, such as the transforming frog/snake, Fantasma, or the martial artist monkey, Lichi. Verde himself, though, not really.

It was just odd how Verde was basically doing nothing (except reading, but that doesn't really count), at all. Tsuna didn't even understand why he bothered to sit there in the first place.

"Um, do you actually do anything, Verde?" Tsuna asked with a raised eyebrow.

Verde flipped a page of his magazine. "To actually make an effort performing for others is definitely not my cup of tea. But Luce requires my presence in at least one act." Verde rolled his eyes, as if he found of the thought of _him_ participating simply ridiculous. "On the other hand, Reborn, isn't that your dead lizard?"

Reborn turned around. "Leon?" A small, green lizard was crawling out of Keiman's (Verde's pet alligator), mouth, looking at Reborn with its beady, yellow eyes and hissing weakly. "That's where've you been all this time?! And to think, I actually thought you were dead..." Reborn picked up his once-thought-dead pet lizard and placed him on his shoulder, smiling gratefully. For Reborn to look grateful? The rate of that happening was almost like seeing Mammon giving money to poor scabbies.

Tsuna could hear the small click of a camera taking a picture of such a rare scene. Mammon grinned. Reborn's fans would pay a hefty penny for these.

Verde sighed woefully and spoke in a fake, concerned voice. "Keiman was getting tired of taking care of him." In his mouth. Yeah. Definitely taking care of him.

Reborn stared at Keiman for a moment, then at his deprived lizard, then he finally glared at Verde. "Verde, you knew all this time!?"

Verde looked up at Reborn with gleaming dark green eyes and smirked. "To see the amazing Reborn cry was quite the treat. Mammon was very pleased with the sale of such pictures." Well, Verde didn't really give much crap about the pictures. He needed the lizard for an experiment. Not that Reborn needed to know that, though.

Tsuna watched, scared, as Reborn attempted to rip off Verde's head with his bare hands, until Luce had finally managed to stop Reborn, telling him that killing Verde wouldn't really do much. But Reborn was still giving Verde a good shitload of death glares.

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Last was Luce, who, despite her recent scare with Mammon, had managed to amaze Tsuna with her angelic voice. He had heard her sing a soft lullaby before (when he had been crying for the second time, to his slight embarrassment) but apparently, she was seriously holding back, back then.

(*insert meaningful lyrics and Tsuna's apparent awe peppered in-between here*)

But the other surprise of that wonderful musical performance was the fact Lal and Colonello could play music. Legitimately. Lal's fingers danced over the fingerboard of her violin while Colonello struck a plethora of nice-sounding chords and harmonies on the piano. And apparently, the two played much more instruments besides the ones mentioned.

"It's pretty useful for bypassing border patrol, you know!" Colonello pointed out enthusiastically. Apparently, in Ardell, the country they were currently in, stuff such as a handguns and small daggers were fine (you know, for defending yourself against those rapists and other desperate saps), but the high-grade military weapons that Lal and Colonello had a penchant for collecting seemed suspicious. Like terrorist suspicious. Like, suspicious enough to get arrested. So, the two would ship their instruments across the border beforehand, and then stuff all suspicious-looking weapons inside their cases. Apparently, border patrol wouldn't even give a second glance. The ways of a corrupted country...

"But what do you need all these weapons for?" Tsuna asked.

Lal patted Tsuna on the shoulder. "Commies."

~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

"So, Tsuna, now that you've seen _our_ acts, I think it's time that we decide _your _act if you're to stay here with us," Luce told Tsuna after the audience had left.

"What do you guys think I should do?" Tsuna looked up towards all his fellow Arcobaleno members.

Mammon was deep in thought as she contemplated the answer. "Something involving flames...and reflex. Unless you got another trick besides those magical flames."

"Er, you mean my sky flames?" Tsuna had never had his dying will flames referred to as... magical; it seemed so common back home. Well, then again, they _did _defy physics, and now that he thought about it, where _did _they come from?

Mammon waved him off, annoyed. "Yeah, yeah. Sky flames, dying will flames, whatever the fuck you want to call it."

"I think Tsuna should be a flame dancer," Fon suggested with a light tone. "I've seen many back at home."

"In China?" Tsuna supplied. Fon stared at the boy and an awkward silence enveloped the two of them. "I mean, aren't you Chinese?"

Fon ran a hand through his black hair. "I know that isn't necessarily racist, but, for some reason, I feel offended. Gravely." He turned to Reborn. "You explain this time, Reborn."

Reborn sighed. "Fon's from the same place as me, Lal, and Colonello, which is Italy."

"But wasn't Colonello and Lal from COMSUBIN, and you, yourself, from the slums?"

"Where the hell did you- Skull." Reborn glared pointedly at Skull, who stuck out his tongue in defiance. "Oh, fuck you, Skull- But yes, Tsuna, that's true. We came from _different _parts of Italy. COMSUBIN was part of Italian military, I was living in some no-name, scum, rural town nearby, and Fon... Fon was just normal."

"If you count training with the Chinese Triad as normal, then yes, I'm very normal."

"Oh fuck, I forgot about that. Sorry, Fon."

Fon put a hand up. "It's okay, Reborn. You're memories were probably slightly scattered after we drugged you."

"Yeah...-" Reborn suddenly swung his head around. "When the hell did that happen?!"

Fon smiled serenely, then ignored his question and turned to Tsuna. "Anyways, Tsuna, your thoughts on being a fire dancer?"

Tsuna fidgeted, his hands tugging at the end of his sweater vest. "I guess... I don't know, I don't really dance." In all his years of life, Tsuna had never danced. Such an inexperienced chap.

"Well, it's not too late to start!" Luce pointed out happily. "You're only what? Four, Five?"

"Seven," Tsuna corrected weakly. Seriously? Five?

"Jesus Christ!" Luce exclaimed, staggering back. "I am so, so sorry, Tsuna!" Goddamn, she really couldn't believe that Tsuna was older than five! And by two years! He was just so, so small. And those huge eyes of his made him look even smaller.

Mammon snickered. "Now you know how it feels when you tell people you're thirty-seven, huh, Luce?"

"I think Luce's case is a bit more drastic, Mammon," Fon commented. About twenty-two more years drastic.

"You must've been deprived, huh?" Skull asked, patting Tsuna on the shoulder sympathetically.

"Um, no, I ate three square meals a day back home." This was degrading. So, very so.

"Hoo, boy!" Colonello turned to the blue-haired girl. "Lal, we'll need to buy more milk tomorrow."

"Agreed."

Verde's glasses glinted. "I can develop a growth serum if you give me a day or two."

Reborn pushed Verde's shoulder and scowled. "Tsuna doesn't need drugs. What he needs is some fucking hardcore training."

"Definitely." Fon nodded his head as he looked at Tsuna, as if scanning him with his eyes."I think we'll need to teach him about proper inner balance first. To be honest, Tsuna, your sense of balance is just purely -how do I say this nicely... terrible."

"Basically, it's fucked up," Mammon clarified.

"Gee. Thanks." But then again, that was inevitably true. Tsuna was sure that his worst enemy was the ground. It just keeps on tripping him, damnit.

"A few hours of hardcore training and he'll be walking better than a French model cat-walking," Lal assured with a careless wave of her hand. "He'll be fine."

"So, fire dancer it is!" Luce announced regally, the Arcobaleno clapping along.

"Wait! But I didn't say-"

"So, for tomorrow. Mammon! Go and buy Tsuna's costume!" Mammon grimaced at the thought of losing money. The brat better be worth it. "Fon, make sure she doesn't kill someone. And buy a few fireworks on your way." Fon bowed. "Colonello, Lal, go buy groceries. Especially a large carton of milk. If you steal it from a local cow, treat it gently." Colonello and Lal grinned evilly. They were going milking, bitches! "Skull, you're still on promotion duty." Skull frowned. It wasn't that he disliked promotion duty, but he just wanted to do something different. "Verde, start developing that growth serum. Make sure you test it beforehand before you give it to Tsuna." Verde pushed up his Harry Potter glasses. Oh yes. "And Reborn, train Tsuna. I want him unklutzed by the end of the week for the last show here."

"Is unklutzed even a word?" Reborn asked with a tilt of his fedora.

Luce nodded. "It is in Tsuna's case. Now, everyone! It's time for sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. Make sure you brush your teeth, and NO drinking tonight." She glared pointedly at Reborn, Colonello, and Lal, who grinned weakly. "And Tsuna'll be sleeping in my room, tonight. I don't want him to get raped."

Skull groaned. "For the last time, I am _not _gay!"

"When did we ever question your sexuality in this conversation, Skull?" Lal asked, eyebrow raised. Suspicious.

"He's definitely gay," Reborn leaned to Tsuna. "Watch out for his homo tendencies."

"Says the cradle robber, kora!" Colonello cooed.

"Oh, just shut up. And we're not that far in age difference!"

"Six years _is _kind of a stretch," Luce remarked notably. "Ah, well, Reborn, if that's really your preference, then you have my blessing."

"It's not my preference, and I don't need you damn blessing."

"Reborn!" Luce choked up, stepping back in shock, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "How could you deny.. deny my blessing!?"

Reborn paled. "Oh, fuck, Luce, don't cry! Shit!"

"It's all your fucking fault, Reborn." Mammon sniggered. "If only you'd just admit that you're a gay cradle robber."

"But I'm not!" Reborn was just plain exasperated.

"Ah, I'd hate to interrupt this lovely conversation concerning a certain individual's sexuality, but I'd like to go to back to my tent to begin experimentation. It's getting late," Verde interrupted dully.

"Ah, yes, that's right!" Luce wiped away her fake tears. Oh, how she just loved getting everyone riled up. "Let's go, Tsuna?"

"...Yeah..."

For some reason, Tsuna just felt super awkward. Maybe it was from the topic of being cradle robbed?

~~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

The next day was much more... odd? Insane? Well, for Tsuna it was definitely something crazy. For the other Arcobaleno members, though, it was pretty much daily life.

Being stirred awake from a dreamless sleep due to the extra weight crushing his organs, Tsuna had woken up to see Mammon on top of him, holding some sort of white, marked tape. It this what Luce had been dreading yesterday? ...Rape?

He screamed.

Mammon covered her ears. "Hell, you scream like a bitch!"

"It's probably because he hasn't hit puberty yet, Mammon," Fon said from behind.

"W-what are you doing?" Tsuna whimpered.

Fon glanced at the boy and sighed. His wide eyes basically screamed, "RAPE!" "We're taking your measurements for your costume before we go." Oh. That white tape was measuring tape. Man. Tsuna felt stupid.

"Yeah. If I'm going to be wasting money, I'll waste it right." Mammon grinned. "And by the way, child, don't think I'd go for your lanky body. You're dick's too small, anyways."

Third time. The third time someone commented on his size this week.

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

Skull sniffed as he left the dining tent. It's not like he _wanted _to how to put on make-up. It was just something he needed to learn when part-timing as a clown. Fucking prat.

He then bumped into Tsuna as he was ranting into his thoughts. "Ah, 'Sup, Tsuna."

Tsuna looked up at him with wide, brown eyes. "Who are you, and how do you know my name!?"

"I'm Skull, Tsuna," he clarified dryly. He was pretty sure he didn't look that different than before. The purple hair. The piercings. Either he put his make-up on a bit too strong today or Tsuna just really needed to get his eyes checked.

"...Oh, sorry, Skull. I was just a bit frazzled..." Tsuna laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

Skull cocked an eyebrow. "From what?"

"Mammon."

Skull sighed. That girl could seriously go to the extremes. He remembered that one time Mammon forced herself to throw up so that she could get that coin she accidentally swallowed. That was disgusting, and how she accidentally managed to eat that coin was still a mystery. He patted Tsuna on the shoulder. "I understand," he said sympathetically. "Now I'll see ya later, then, Tsuna. And good luck with Reborn." He'll fucking need it, that's for sure.

"Why would I need good luck?"

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

Verde stirred awake. The hell? He woke up even earlier than yesterday. What was wrong with him? He'll need to conduct a few experiments about this soon...

But, by deducing the facts, it was probably because of Tsuna. With Luce ordering Reborn to train him, he couldn't help but worry for his new labrat. He should probably warn him beforehand and give him that bulletproof mithril jacket that he had developed last night.

But then sleep was starting to set on the green-haired man again, and he plopped down his bed and cuddled his DNA-shaped pillow.

"Oh, fuck it..."

Getting up for the sake of saving Tsuna's life was surely not worth the trouble.

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

Reborn was an insane teacher. That much was assured.

"Go split that boulder over there with your bare fist," Reborn commanded as he twirled Leon, the gun. Despite the fact that his lizard was alive and well, he still called his gun the same name. It was rather confusing.

"I don't think that's possible, Reborn."

Reborn sauntered up to Tsuna. Hear that, bitches? Sauntered. The fahk? "Do you doubt me, my student?"

"I just don't understand how I'll be able to destroy that boulder with just my fist. And even if I did, how would this help my sense of balance?"

"...It just does." Reborn looked up at the boulder with longing eyes. "This boulder grants the knowledge of strength to the one who pounds it into bits. Imbued in the boulder's earth is the life force of Baklava."

That was honestly the weirdest bullshit that Tsuna had ever heard in his life. "Are you making this up?"

"Absolutely."

Tsuna looked exasperated. "Do you even know what you're doing?"

"Sure." Reborn grinned and loaded his gun. "Now, hurry up and destroy the boulder before I pop a few straight through your insignificant heart."

"Wh-Jesus Christ!"

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~~

Tsuna was never able to destroy that boulder, and his only rewards was some unsettling exhaustion and a few traumatic shots to the chest, courtesy of Reborn (who healed him afterwards. And then shot at him again. And then finally healed him completely in the end of all his pain and suffering). But for some reason, Tsuna had stopped tripping afterwards. How the hell did that happen?! It was just as unexplainable as where a dying will flame came from. It defied common knowledge.

"See. I'm always right. So don't question my methods anymore, mate."

Now, with Reborn gone to annoy Luce, Tsuna managed to take a break under a tree near the camp, eating a few cookies that Luce had baked. At times like these, Tsuna found himself appreciating life, mostly because he was sure that he wouldn't last long with these insane people. At least they were nice. In comparison to his _real _family, the Arcobaleno members were already much more closer to him in his heart.

Tsuna sighed at the thought of his old home. The people he had lived with before could never be considered as a real family. They were simply a bunch of blood-related individuals living in same household. Well, there was one decent person, but he had distanced himself and went to some overseas boarding school, leaving him alone in that house. _A coward, _Tsuna thought bitterly.

But then again, Tsuna had also tried to run away via suicide. He really couldn't say much.

"Kid, what are you doing over here, kora?" Tsuna looked up to see a disheveled, but grinning, Colonello and a smirking Lal.

Lal raised a plastic bag. "We got milk."

Tsuna smiled.

~~~~~August~~~~~

"You see, Tsuna, me and Lal're the best illegal milkers in this here country!" Colonello bragged. The three of them were sitting under the shade of a tree, opening bottles of milk and drinking it along with the basket of Luce's cookies that Tsuna had at hand. Oh fuck, they just went so well together.

"We're wanted in five countries just for illegal milking," Lal noted. And then she coughed. "We're also wanted in seven other countries for other different reasons." Smuggling, assault, attempted murder, indecency, etc. Some of those reasons were seriously embarrassing, though. The fishnet bra incident... No. Best not to think about it. Not now.

"You're wanted for just milking cows?" Tsuna asked. He didn't think it'd be that serious of a crime, if it's even a crime at all.

"Just milking cows!?" Colonello jumped up, his milk bottle raised. "Milking isn't just about milking cows! It's a fucking art! There's a certain way you have to squeeze that nipple to achieve that perfect, milky texture." Oh God, that sounded dirty now that it's coming out of his mouth. But whatevah. "Besides, milking is more than just cows. There's an entire process to it (that's illegal). Especially getting to the cow (which is also illegal). Those fucking farmers got their defenses tight, kora!"

"We'll need to bring you along one day," Lal promised. "You haven't lived until you've gone milking with us."

Tsuna laughed. "I'd actually like to go."

~~~~~August~~~~~

Fon stood outside the clothes shop, his face in his hands. Why? Well, if you listen to Mammon...

"I said the fucking #29403 shade of orange, not the #29402 shade of orange! Is It that easy for you to fuck up the '3'!? It looks like fucking plum! I am not willing to have my fire dancer look like a fucking plum fairy! I want him to look like a delicious fiery god so you best be hell giving me that fucked-up #29403 orange, biyaaaaaaatch!"

"Do you know that lady?" One of the poor passerby's had asked Fon.

"I'm sorry but I would never associate with those kind of psychotic women," Fon denied abruptly, plastering a serene smile on his face.

"Fon, you bitch, get your chinky ass back here! I need your goddamn opinion on this costume so that I can just fucking leave this goddamned hellhole!" Mammon threw her hands up, exasperated.

Fon sighed. "Coming." Suddenly a hand pressed on his shoulder as he was about to turn.

A police officer looked down on him. "I'll need you to come to the police station for some questioning. You appear to be carrying some sort of suspicious explosives."

"They're just fireworks, officer," Fon replied nervously, looking back at the surly man. He never liked the police. The people of the Chinese Triad had preached to stay clear of them, and that was an advice he took that to heart.

The officer rolled his eyes. "Every chink says that. And bring your girlfriend along, too. She's disturbing the public."

...What? That was the last straw for Fon. It was one thing to call him a chink; he'd dealt with plenty racist people before. But to call Mammon his girlfriend was like bitchslapping his face.

His eyes narrowed even more (if that was even possible. His eyes were half-closed half the time). This bitch was going down.

~~~~~August~~~~~

Luce was listening to Reborn's incessant whining until she suddenly heard a lot of ruckus outside. "What now?" she whined pitifully, clutching her head.

Suddenly, Fon and Mammon burst inside the tent. "The police are after us!" Fon exclaimed.

Reborn cocked an eyebrow. "The fuck?"

"It's because the fucking chink attacked them!" Mammon snarled, glaring at Fon. Well, at least she was able to grab the finished costume amidst the chaos without giving up a single coin. But still, the police had terrible bail rates.

"Fon?!" Luce asked. "Really?" Luce never thought Fon was the type to get into trouble like that.

Fon frowned. "I'm sorry, Luce, but that police officer had said things I'd never be able to forget." He would be getting nightmares tonight, that's for sure.

"Like what?" Mammon sneered. "Your chinkiness?"

"No. It's..." Fon turned away. He couldn't say it. It was just too terrible of a thought. Mammon... as his girlfriend. He shuddered. His ideal had always been an adorable, buxom, kind Chinese girl wearing one of those cute Chinese dresses, not some flat-chested, cussing goth chick with an insane money complex.

For some reason, Mammon felt the urge to hit Fon. It must've been her sixth sense. She resisted, though. Now was not the time.

Luce sighed. "Well, whatever it is, now we have to move sites. Again. We need to leave town before the police track us down." _Congratulations, your headache has now leveled up! It's evolved, dutdarada! Into a migraine! _Oh Lord, she needed her aspirin. But wait, she ran out. Oh, fuck.

~~~~~August~~~~~

"We're going? I thought we were staying for the week?" Tsuna asked Colonello as they packed up the last of the tents in one of the Arcobaleno's three caravans.

"Well, most of the time, we never really make it through the week without getting chased out by the police," Colonello said with a laugh. His voice lowered. "Fucking police always on our fucking ass. I'd love to terrorize their little asses." His hand was itching for that rocket launcher that he'd hidden in the tuba.

Lal sighed. "Everyone's got a thing against those little motherfuckers. That's why the Arcobaleno's always stay clear of them." She, herself, would love to have a field day shooting them down with her handguns.

Tsuna nodded solemnly. "I agree with you..." Back in his world, his family profession wasn't exactly legal, per say. He was even taught to stop, drop, and roll under the couch if there were any policemen snooping around. And if there was no couch, well, just fuck it all and run for your goddamn lives. That became a reflex for him.

"The police's here! Get your asses going!" Mammon screamed.

Goddamnit, where the fuck was that couch?!

~~~~~August~~~~~~

Tsuna squeaked as their caravan made another hasty turn. He had rode with Colonello and Lal, Lal driving since she was older. Reborn and Luce were in the caravan up front, with Mammon, Verde, and Fon in the caravan behind Tsuna's.

And let's just say that Lal was an insane driver.

Colonello whooped as Lal managed to smack another police car to the side with the back of the car. Surprisingly, the caravan didn't have a single scratch. Thanks, Verde. "Lal, can I bring out the fuck guns?!" he screamed over the roaring wind that flowed through the open windows of their car.

Fuck guns? To Tsuna, that really didn't sound good. And what an amazing name, too...

Lal grinned, putting her red-tinted goggled on. "Go for it!"

"Sweeeeet!" Colonello, whose expression looked like a kid who got permission to eat from the special cookie jar, rummaged through the back and pulled a pair of blue guns from a silver tuba. He looked out the window with a wolfish grin and aimed both of them at the police cars in the back, two lights shooting out of the barrels and immediately hitting the enemy cars, exploding upon contact, that familiar mushroom cloud appearing from above. Dayumn.

"Hurry it up! Hurry it up!" Colonello screamed. "We don't want to get hit by the blast!"

"Fuck!" Lal cursed, slamming the honker. "Fucking Luce in front of us taking her fucking sweet time." She honked again, shouting outside the window. "Hurry the fuck up, Luce! We don't need to give a shit about speeding limits right now!"

Luce looked at Lal from outside her window, pouting. "Did you kill them?!" she shouted.

"HAH?!" Lal exclaimed. "We used the fuck guns!"

Luce smiled. "Oh! Okay!" She suddenly sped up, allowing the other caravans to move forward.

"Colonello, what... guns are you talking about?" Tsuna asked. He wasn't comfortably with cussing so... blatantly, and he didn't think he ever would.

"You mean the fuck guns?" Colonello asked, grinning. Tsuna nodded tentatively. "Well, the fuck guns are short for 'Fuck, this shit's a fucking troll because you think that everyone exploded when they didn't gun. We didn't want to call it the FTSAFTBYTTEEWTD gun because that was a piece of work to say every time, so we shortened it to fuck gun. Anyways, it's basically a smoke bomb and a gravity spell put together. A bunch of smoke flies up and everyone caught up in the blast would be suddenly suspended in the air for a few good hours. The fuck gun is the brainchild of Verde, Lal, and Mammon."

"It took us three weeks to complete the damn thing," Lal commented. "That's why we keep it in the tuba. Thing's fucking indestructible." Well, that wasn't really true for normal tubas, but nothing's normal with the Arcobaleno's right?

"For some reason, they work especially great with commies, huh, Lal?"

"I'd rather blow those little cocksuckers with my fucking gat. They don't deserve the fuck gun."

"By commies, do you mean communists?" Tsuna asked, worried. What kind of thing did Lal have against those?

Colonello and Lal looked at each other, then laughed. "What's a communist?" Colonello asked, wiping a tear.

"A political party?"

"Hell, if there was a political party I'd want to shoot down, it'd be the Republicans," Lal snorted. "A commie is short for Commiditant, from the country of Commidit. It's a country in the east. Real bastards, they are." Lal then growled. "I'll never forgive them."

Tsuna was worried. What did the er, commies do to make Lal that upset? He looked up to Colonello, who patted him on the shoulder, smiling lightly.

"It's a long story, for another day."

~~~~~August~~~~~~

The Arcobaleno's decided to stop and take break in the middle of some forest, away from human civilization, so that they could lie low from the police for a bit and let things calm down. They'd make way for the next city tomorrow, but for now, they needed to rest.

Everyone circled around the fire, the animals taking their places among their respective owners. Keiman huddled next to Verde, and Leon, on course, on Reborn's shoulder. Colonello had Falco on his own shoulder, and Lal had an odd giant centipede thing named Zamza skittering up her arm. Cosmo the squirrel settled on Luce's weird mushroom hat and Fantasma sat on Mammon's hood. Lastly, Oodako the octopus settled in Skull's lap while Lichi sat next to Fon.

Tsuna felt a little bit lonely without his own animal companion. Fortunately, though, Luce said that she'd order one soon from a special animal dealer she knew well. What kind of animal, though, she didn't say.

"-So Tsuna will be in next's week show. Agreed?"

Tsuna almost spit out his hot chocolate. "...What?"

"You're performing that fire dancing stuff next week." Reborn then grinned evilly, his sadistic, black eyes shining with happiness. "Get ready for the training of your life."

Tsuna almost shivered at those words. "But-"

"So, guys, let's sing happy birthday for Verde!" Luce exclaimed, clapping her hands. Tsuna slapped his hand over his face. Missed his chance to object again. And it was Verde's birthday?

Verde groaned. "Just give me my lab keys, Luce."

"Oh, it's already August Fifteenth?"

"I hope we have cake, kora!"

"I can't wait. Let's sing the annoying birthday song so that we can annoy the fuck out of Verde."

"Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday to you~," Mammon sang slowly, grinning evilly as she did that incessant clapping along with it (you know, that stupid, cheesy clapping to the beat that people do in the middle of a song that gets the musicians playing all pissed off in the middle of a concert).

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR VER~DE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-"

Verde's screams of agony could make the crows fly off in fear. The pain of the birthday song was not something to be taken lightly.

Later, as Verde recovered inside the tent, a wet towel on his forehead as he lied on the cot, passed out, Tsuna ate a piece of cake that Luce had prepared (when the hell did she manage to prepare it, he didn't know, but it was chocolate chip mint-flavored, and it tasted good), his thoughts running back to his family back home.

Speaking of birthdays...If today was August Fifteenth, then, in fourteen days, it would be Enzo's birthday, huh?

~~~~~AUGUST~~~~~

Dino looked at the e-mail, frozen in shock. Tsuna, MIA? How could that be? That couldn't be possibl_e_! But to get hit by a truck and then to suddenly disappear? Dino then stiffened, a thesis forming in his head. What if he... like him...?

Suddenly, Dino stood up and put on his jacket. "Romario!"

An elderly, glassed man in a black suit entered the room. "Shall I bring the Ferarri?"

"No." Dino narrowed his eyes. "Get the Cavallo Alato."

If his thesis was correct, his little brother would definitely be there.

Or he was dead.

Goddamnit, he hoped he wasn't dead.

He groaned in frustration. "Hurry up, Enzo! Don't make me carry you!"

The turtle took another slow, tentative step. Dino rolled his eyes and picked up his turtle, walking briskly out the door as he scolded his pet. "To think you're turning three in a few days when you walk like a fifty-year-old. I swear, Enzo!"

If looks could kill, then goddamn, that turtle was massacring Dino with his beady eyes.

~~~~~END~~~~~

**Damn, this sucked.**

**Anyway, someone suggested that I should post reviews at the end of my chapters instead of writing PM's to you all? What do you think?**

**Fuck. I need an aspirin.**

**I apologize for my incessant cussing in the author notes. It keeps me awake.**

**Anyways, none of the jokes in here express my real opinions, such as Lal blowing up the Republicans. Truth be told, I don't give a shit about the Republicans, or the Democrats, simply because I don't care for politics. But I _do_ care for the next translation for the next chapter of Legend of Sun Knight or Legendary Moonlight Sculptor.  
**


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